One step forward

This week I received a job offer. And not just any job offer, one I really, really, wanted. So, of course I said…No!

Let me explain. Back in 2021, I reentered to work force from a decade-long baby raising “break” and landed the perfect job. It combined my experience with nonprofits, my desire for a leadership role, my love of volunteerism, and my passion for books all in one! Being thrust back into the workplace after being out of that loop for so long did cause an initial period of floundering, but once my gallbladder settled down and my hair stopped falling out, I found my footing and flourished.

Yet, after only about a year in that position, I realized I wanted more. Not just in salary, but in challenges, learning, and new adventures. A few months later, I was offered a new position with an emerging nonprofit that had a fantastic mission and plenty of room to grow. I took the job with many a tearful goodbye from the coworkers, customers, and volunteers I’d grown so close to.

It was about a week into my sparkly new job that I realized I’d made a terrible mistake. I hated working from home, I hated the micromanaging nature of my boss and the lack of independence, and most of all I hated that my old job had already found a replacement and there was no going back.  

I stuck it out, taking gigs along the way to break up the boredom while keep my eye out for a better fit. But finding a position that allowed me the flexibility I needed with my busy mom schedule proved tough, really tough, like impossible. And the regret of leaving my previous position cemented in a bit more with each passing day.

So, when my husband took over as Director of the college he now runs late last August, I didn’t hesitate to offer to help. Working at an East Asian medicine college certainly wasn’t my dream job, but assisting my husband as I watched him drowning in the duties dumped upon him felt like the only right decision.

So, I did what was needed. ALL that was needed. Like holding four different positions simultaneously while lugging the garbage to the dumpster and answering the phones every day. It’s been beyond bananas for us both learning all the ins and outs of running a college and working to implement the much needed changes to nearly every aspect within it.

But it’s been worth it.

Not because I’ve developed some interest in East Asian medicine (that’s his thing, not mine), or grew to love working in higher education. It’s been worth it because I got what I asked for. I got the challenge, boy did I get the challenge! And I got lots of learning, and one hell of an adventure along the way.

We’ve made it through almost a year now. Through the enormous amounts of stress and uncertainty and the huge learning curve for us both. There were days when the pressure was so great that I had to vomit on the side of the road. But I kept going.

I still don’t wake up super excited about my position, but I AM excited to see where it will go. And although the perfect role of a full-time writer and artist still eludes me, feeling necessary where I am right now makes me confident I’m heading in the right direction.

There’s no way of knowing what the future holds for the college or for my current position there. Neither my husband nor I can be certain that taking this risk will ever reap the rewards we hope for. But at least we’ll never regret not going for it.

Some days I do fantasize about working somewhere with clear direction and stability. I’m not going to lie and say when my old job called and offered me my position back that I didn’t hesitate for a moment. But ultimately, I’m not interested in moving backwards. So, I’ll continue to put one unsure foot in front of the other, hopeful that each step will land on solid ground. I may look longingly backwards from time to time, but I’ll never stop moving forward.